I hope all our readers had a fun and filling Halloween. What better way to celebrate the changing of the seasons that to dress up in a crazy costume, drink to excess, and eat every piece of candy within a three-mile radius! May Halloween never go out of style.
At the same time, I’m concerned. I’ve been doing some reading. Turns out that a lot of us made some pretty grievous errors in choosing our costumes. You may not know this, but your five-year-old might have offended someone. You might have set race relations back twenty years with that costume you chose to wear. Oh no, you didn’t mean any harm, but that’s simply no excuse. You ventured into the land of the “problematic,” where feminists and Tumblr activists are waiting to tell you how you forgot to “check your privilege.”
Angry Feminists! Watch Out!
One of the most popular girls’ Halloween costumes this year is, of course, Elsa from Disney’s megahit Frozen. While feminists have praised Frozen for defying damsel-in-distress tropes, it turns out that it’s still…DUH-DUH-DUHHHHHHH…problematic. You see, Elsa might display a certain sort of independence, but she is also alienated by her terrible powers. That’s just what men are afraid of, don’t you know? A powerful, destructive woman. And of course, Elsa’s powers grow stronger or weaker depending on her emotional state. Leave it to Disney to perpetuate that old thing about “hysterical women.” If you or your kids dressed as Elsa, you need to mail off an apology letter to any woman you saw.
Cultural Appropriation and Fat Hate
I certainly hope you didn’t paint your face in sugar skull makeup. Even if you did it out of the greatest respect for Hispanic traditions, you practiced something called “cultural appropriation.” This is when white people do…anything at all…that didn’t originate with them. You owe an apology letter to any Mexicans you may have offended.
If you dressed up as someone fatter than you are, c’mon! What were you thinking? Don’t you know that it’s unacceptable in 2014 to poke even light fun at the thin-challenged? Whether you strapped on a fake belly or slapped one of those big sumo wrestler costumes on (problematic for two reasons), you fed into the culture of fat-hate, and you’ll need to write some letters.
Women, surely you didn’t dress as any kind of “sexy” nurse, police officer, soldier, firefighter, postal worker, etc. Don’t you know that wearing those costumes makes it more difficult for women to get jobs in those professions? It’s true. Look it up.
The list goes on. If you dressed as Ray Rice, an Indian, an Eskimo, a geisha, a woman (if you’re a man), a sexy terrorist (offensive to Muslims, mind you, not terror victims), a gang banger, an illegal alien, or anything but a vanilla white male, you probably offended someone, somewhere. Don’t let too much time pass before you mail out your apology letter. Thanksgiving is just around the corner and there will be a whole new slew of politically correct rules to remember.