We’ve got a serious bone to pick with our middle and high school social studies teachers. We can’t remember exactly how many times they went over the founding of this country, the writing of the Constitution, and the development of the Bill of Rights, but suffice to say, it came up plenty of times. And on exactly ZERO of those occasions did our teachers (or our books) tell us about some of the weird and wonderful rights enshrined in that hallowed document by our wise forefathers. Never mind how shocked we were a couple of years ago when the Supreme Court revealed that GAY MARRIAGE was a constitutional right, and consider how gobsmacked we were this week to learn that illegal immigrants have a constitutional right to an ABORTION!

Oh, ye Founders…you saw far, didn’t you? You saw far.

Well? What other conclusion can we come to? A D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled Tuesday that the federal government MUST allow an illegal immigrant minor currently in custody to get an abortion, so we can only assume that we missed some pretty significant chunks of the Constitution in our high school studies. (Obama-appointed) Judge Tanya Chutkan ruled that the government was illegally infringing on a woman’s right to an abortion by preventing the young illegal immigrant (Jane Doe) from having her baby whacked in a nearby clinic; the court ordered the government to either personally escort the young woman to the clinic or have her transported by an appointed guardian.

On Wednesday morning, to the cheers of the ACLU and a legion of rabid feminists, the young woman did indeed get her, um, routine female healthcare procedure.

In the lead-up to this decision, we saw some truly striking commentary from liberal feminists. Take actress Alyssa Milano, who had this to say about the case: “Preventing an immigrant woman from getting an abortion is a war on women, immigrants, and children.”

Yes, preventing a woman from getting an abortion is now a WAR ON CHILDREN! You can’t make this stuff up.

In a statement, Kristan Hawkins of Students for Life of America said the ruling was nothing less than tragic.

“A tragedy took place today as the full bench of the D.C. Circuit Court of Appeals put the partisan interests of abortion over a teenager’s true needs for help,” said Hawkins. “The United States should not become an abortion destination spot for the world. Shame on Planned Parenthood and the ACLU for using this teenager to try and create Roe v. Wade 2.0 in the courts.”

Alas, the courts have already informed us that a woman’s right to end her pregnancy is enshrined in the Constitution, so how can we be surprised that said parchment also enshrines that right for illegal immigrants?

What a remarkable document…